"Get your lazy asses out of bed and down stairs!" Andi, Laura and Sam, who had all been sleeping peacefully in their beds for the past eight hours, were quite rudely awakened by their father, who had kicked the door open and began yelling at them. They all jumped in surprise and flew up, wide awake. Snake was in the room looking even more serious than he usually did, watching and waiting for them to get a move on.
All three groaned, and once they saw what time it was, they started to whine about how stupid it was that he had woken them up at 5 AM. Snake, in response, just stood there until they quieted down. He then said, "Be in the training room in no less than five minutes."
"We have a training room?" asked Sam, looking a little confused. "Where is it?"
"Find out by yourself." Snake backed out the room, saying after him, "Five minutes!"
The three girls stood around awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. Eventually they drifted to the closet and tried to dress accordingly. If only they knew what they were dressing for. They decided on jeans and plain T shirts; Sam in a green, Laura in a blue, and Andi in an orange. Truth be told, they didn't want to ruin their good clothes with whatever their father was about to make them do.
Then they began to sprint through the house, trying to find anything that resembled a training room. They weren't too far in when, "ATTACK FROM ABOVE!" was yelled, and they all screamed and dodged as Snake began pelting them with water balloons. He eventually ran out and, having chased his children around the whole first floor, began to assess them. Andi was relatively fine (breathing a little harder, but fine), while Laura and Sam were pretty much passed out on the floor. He shook his head in disappointment. He'd have to make them work on that.
"Hey, what was in those balloons?" Andi asked, sniffing her sleeve. It wasn't a very pleasant odor.
"Nothing you need to know about." Snake smiled a bit at the horrified expressions the three gained and hoisted the two near-dead daughters to their feet. "Sit down, I'm going to explain some things." He led them to the kitchen and then went to the pantry, where he pulled out some Regain energy drinks. He set them in front of the girls. "Drink up."
The three hesitantly took the bottles and gulped it down. Suddenly, Sam leapt up and screamed, "ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD SATAN!" followed by the other two cheering, "YAY SATAN!"
Satisfied, Snake sat down across the now twitching girls.
"Now that that's taken care of, listen up. I'm sure you're wondering why the hell I'm making-,"
"SHUT UP." Snake put a hand on Sam's head, shoving her back into her chair. "Look, this is very important. You need to know that I'm a secret agent for the U.S. government."
"You mean, like the FBI and stuff? Awesome!" The three girls high fived each other.
"...Yes, something like that. Anyway, with my line of work, your lives will be in danger. Something I over looked when I adopted you... So, you will be trained to handle any given situation."
Snake began to get back out of his chair when Andi stopped him: "Wait! Shouldn't you like, describe your job to us or something?"
"I would if I could."
"But if we're going to be a part of it, shouldn't we know--"
"No, you don't get it. It's impossible to describe. You have to experience it to get it."
Doubtful, the girls followed their father toward the back of the house, where they hadn't really explored yet. He led them into a large room that was full of exercise equipment that looked impossible to use. Sam and Laura could feel a little bit of them die on the inside.
"This is where you'll be doing general workouts," Snake explained as though it were a tour. "You will work out in the morning, before school, and at night, before bed. On the weekends Otacon and I will train you on more specific things. And at anytime you could be asked to do anything."
"What does that mean?"
"You'll see." He led them to the back of the room where there was another door. He pulled out a key and unlocked it, allowing the four into the backyard... Well, they assumed it was a backyard. It looked more like a military training area, with an obstacle course and shooting targets set up.
"Why are we out here?" asked Andi as Snake opened a safe that was on the side of the house.
He pulled out many different kinds of guns before answering, "My job involves a lot of shooting. I'm going to see just how good you are with a gun." He finally settled on a small pistol, waving it around rather dangerously. "Let's see how you handle a small fire arm first."
He lined the girls up in front of three different targets, so they each had their own. "Master the target and we'll move on to the human shaped ones."
"Awesome!" The three high fived again.
Snake handed the gun to Andi first. He was glad to see she at least knew how to hold it. She aimed and fired off all the rounds; most hit the target with only a couple missing and going into the neighbor's yard. She jumped around in excitement as Snake took the gun back, reloaded it, and handed it to Laura. She seemed to know how to use it as well. The agent turned around to get more ammo when a bullet suddenly shot past his head, taking a bit of hair with it. He spun around and saw Laura still standing with the gun pointed at the target and Andi and Sam standing in shocked confusion. "How the hell did you do that?!"
"I don't know..."
"Jeez..." Snake snatched the gun back and reloaded it for a second time, handing it off to Sam. He was most interested in her; after seeing how accurate she was in Bed, Bath and Beyond he was sure she was a natural when it came to guns, or anything relating to aim really. Seemingly reading his mind, Sam raised and fired the gun without much aiming time and went right through the middle. Andi and Laura 'ooo'ed in amazement while their father stood there with his mouth hanging open in surprise.
He had been right. That didn't happen too often.
Sam went through the rest of the shots, hitting the same place over and over. Snake continued to pull out different kinds of guns to test them with. Andi was decent, and Sam never missed. Meanwhile, Laura had yet to hit the target once. That would be a problem.
"Alright, let's see how you are with this." Snake picked out the AK-47 he had found on his recent Shadow Moses adventure, loading it and handing it to Andi. "Try to hit those human-shaped targets lined up. And be careful with that gun." The thing had saved him so many times on that mission he had a special fondness for it.
Andi fiddled with the gun for a while, trying to find the right way to hold it and aim at the same time. By the time she had fired it, the targets were basically non-existent. She had fired so randomly the targets had been utterly destroyed. Snake took the gun back and reloaded it, satisfied that any enemy going after Andi wouldn't last long. He then handed it right to Sam, leaving Laura in the corner with a sad face. He wouldn't trust her with this kind of gun, ever.
Sam hefted it up, struggling a bit as her sister had done in trying to hold it right. Eventually, though, she managed to shoot all the targets, only mounting Snake's amazement.
"How did you get all head shots with a semi-automatic without missing the targets once?!"
"I dunno, I just--" Suddenly Sam gasped, dropping the gun and staring at the last target. The shot hadn't been a perfect head-shot. Without warning she screamed and ran inside sobbing. Snake was too shocked to be angry that she had dropped one of his favorite guns.
"What was that?" asked Laura, scooting closer to Andi.
"I dunno. She missed her perfect shot then went crazy."
"I've never seen her do that before."
"Yeah that was kinda weird."
"Alright, alright." Snake interrupted them, gathering his gun together and placing back in the safe. "Andi, help Laura learn to shoot. I'll go check on your sister." He turned toward the door when a bullet went flying past his side. "Dammit Laura!"
"Ugh, I don't have time for this." Laura shoved the gun into Andi's hands then pulled something that looked like clay out her pocket. Without any explanation she chunked it at the target; within moments it had exploded.
"What was that?!"
"A variant of C-4."
"Where did you find that?"
"Find? I made that. What do you think I do at night?"
"Sleep??" Snake waved her off, walking into the house. "Okay, you know what? Never mind. I'll deal with this later." He was going to have to watch out for Laura. If she was carrying random explosives on her person, who knew what could go wrong? He pondered it until he reached the kitchen, where he saw some chairs had been knocked down and the table pushed aside. He could only assume Sam had run into the table, tripped over the chairs, kicked the chairs in annoyance, then kept going. Now that he wasn't focused on Laura's potential danger, he realized the house was eerily quiet. Shouldn't there be a screaming girl running around somewhere?
It was then that he heard a thud come from upstairs. He climbed the stairs and headed down the hallway toward the bathroom when he heard another one. "Samantha, are you in there?" Silence. "Samantha, I know you're in there."
"Uh, can you call Principal Aran?"
Snake furrowed his brows in confusion. "Why would I do that? You haven't even started school yet."
"Can you please just do it?"
"Not until you tell me why."
"...I'd rather tell Ms. Aran."
Now he was getting frustrated. "Look, I'm not going to call your principal for no reason. What are you doing in there anyway?"
"I'm not telling you!"
"Alright, open the door--"
"NO!" Something was thrown against the door, and Snake couldn't open it.
"Are you using your body to block the door?!"
"Just call her!"
"Open the door!"
"NO!" Now she was holding the knob so he couldn't even attempt to open it.
"Don't make me force the door down!"
"Just call her!"
Snake huffed in annoyance. It seemed like he was going to have to force his way into the bathroom. Which meant replacing the door. What a waste in time and energy. And money. Damn kids. He braced himself, turning sideways and aiming below the door knob. By now Sam was yelling something about not kicking down the door, but he wasn't listening. The door was out in one kick (after all, it was just a common wood door) and the next thing Snake knew, both he and Sam began screaming.
"Did you hear that?!" Laura and Andi dropped what they were doing as the cries reached their ears. "What's going on in there?!"
Meanwhile, next door, Ocelot was polishing his revolver when he heard Snake's screams of horror. He was immediately interested, giggling in pleasure. He loved hearing him scream.
"OH GOD THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!"
"Oh Lordy, I think I just jizzed in my pants," gasped Ocelot as he fanned himself. "I have to get over there." If there was one thing he loved more than Snake's screams, it was Snake screaming about blood.
"What happened?!" Andi and Laura came sprinting up the stairs and to the bathroom, which Sam had abandoned and fled to another one while Snake stood there paralyzed. Andi grabbed his arm and tried to shake him. "Dad, what happened??"
"I've seen blood before but... It was everywhere and there was no wound and... and..."
"Uh oh. He's gone into shock."
"What's he talking about?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Andi leaned in to whisper like it was a taboo. "Sam started her period."
"Her period?!" Snake snapped out of it once he had an explanation.
"We're going to need some tampons."
"I don't keep tampons in the house!"
"Well what about pads--"
"Why would I keep pads in the house?!"
"Because you adopted girls! Did you not think it through?"
"There are a lot of things I didn't think through when adopting you." They all jumped slightly when they heard a knock on the door; it wasn't the best time for someone to be coming over. "Ugh. Okay, Laura, go see who's here. Me and Andi will try to get your sister."
They split up and searched the house until they found Sam locked in another bathroom on the first floor. "Samantha, open the door! I will kick this one down too!"
Andi punched her father on the arm. "Stop it! You're making it worse! Besides, you obviously don't know what to do." Giving him a final glare, she knocked on the door softly. "Sam, it's Andi. Can I come in?"
There was another knock on the door down the hallways, diverting Snake's attention. "Wasn't Laura supposed to--?" He turned back around to see Andi was gone. Sam was quick about pulling her in. Sighing, he left his position in front of the door and went down the hall and to the front door. When he opened it, Otacon was standing there with his Segway. "What are you doing here?"
"That's not a very nice way to greet your best friend," answered Otacon with a pout. "Anyway, I brought you some pads." He lifted a packet of Equates from nowhere.
"Wha-- How did you know we needed those?"
"I had a feeling."
"Why do you even have those?!"
"I keep them in the house for when my sister visits. By the way, were you shooting your guns earlier?"
"I was on my way over and got shot in the arm."
"That's weird..." Snake took the pads and tromped back to the bathroom, Otacon behind him nursing his wound. "Hey, I got some...uh... you know, those things you need..."
"It's not that hard to say 'pads', Dave," Otacon grumbled. Snake shot him a warning look as Andi opened the door a crack, snatched up the pack, and slammed the door again. The two men, having nothing else to do, went back to the kitchen and began to set up the table and chairs back to how they were. "So, having fun with your new family?"
"Don't make me kill you."
"Jeez, can't even joke with you."
"Have you seen Laura by any chance?"
"No." Just then, Andi and Sam walked in, Sam looking much happier.
"Where's Laura?" she asked.
"No idea," Snake replied, "I sent her to get the door, and she hasn't come back..."
"Ooh Snake, were you looking for this?"
"No, it can't be..!" Standing in the hallway was Ocelot, his hand on Laura's shoulder. Only now Laura was dressed differently. She was wearing his outfit from back in the 60's, when he was a major under Vulgin. Beret and everything.
"Hey Dad, you never told us we had such a cool neighbor!" She reached down to her belt and pulled out a revolver. "Look what Mr. Ocelot gave me!"
"Heheh, good luck Snake!" Ocelot pranced out the house as Laura began to spin it around like he always did. Snake, Andi and Sam yelped and ducked for cover while Otacon stood there confused.
"Hey, what's everyone-- AH YOU SHOT ME IN THE LEG!"
"OKAY, time for me to take that gun away from you..." Snake pried the gun out of her hands after a short struggle and handed it off to Sam. "I don't want you hanging around that man anymore. He's a creep. And a villain. He's one of the guys trying to kill me."
"He was nice to me," Laura said quietly, crossing her arms.
"I don't care. Stay away from him." Grumbling, he hoisted Otacon up off the ground and over his shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to bring him to the hospital. Again."