Snake sat at the kitchen table, glaring at the pieces of paper that were lying in front of him. A pen was nearby, waiting to be picked up and fulfill its duty in life, but Snake made no move to do so. Instead he continued to stare at the papers, as though by sheer force of will alone they would be filled out. The papers in question were forms to transfer his daughters to a new school; even though he planned to teach them certain skills himself, God knows Snake wouldn't last a day with all three of them home all the time. His patience was running out. Despite it having only been a few days since he had brought them home, he thought he was going crazy. He was sure somebody was about to die if it kept up; not his self, of course, or his daughters, but somebody.
Finally he sighed and picked up the pen, much to the pen's delight. Well, might as well get this over with. It wasn't so much the filling out of the papers that made him so pensive; it was what he had to put on the papers. And let's face it, Snake knew jack squat about school systems, young girls, and parenting. What joy. He took the first of the three papers and wrote SAMANTHA where it asked for a first name. He then stopped, letting the pen hover over where it asked for a last name. Well, crap. He should have thought about this. Snake didn't have a real last name, and even if he did he wouldn't use it. Someone could track him down. He couldn't use the girls' own last names either, because that would raise suspicion. 'Why does this man have three daughters with different last names?' they'd ask. And while he could tell them they were, in fact, adopted, that would be too easy.
He grunted and scrawled PLISKIN after her name. Eh, it would work for now. He moved on, writing '12' in the age slot, then 'June 17, 1993' in the birthday. Lastly he wrote '6' in the grade slot. He put it aside and took the next two: LAURA PLISKIN. AGE: 11. BIRTHDAY: June 28, 1994. GRADE: 5. ANDREA PLISKIN. AGE: 11. BIRTHDAY: May 27, 1994. GRADE: 5. Snake put them back into a pile and picked up the pin once more. It was then that he heard the padding of bare feet on tiled floor and looked up to find his daughters crowding around the table. "Oh, good. I was just about to call you down."
"What are you doing?" Andi asked as they moved behind their father and looked over his shoulder. He tried to shuffle the papers away but Sam snatched hers up and skipped a few steps away, reading as she did so.
"He's filling out school forms!" They all started screaming about how they didn't want to school. Snake rubbed his temples, suppressing the urge to kill.
When they finally started to quiet down, he explained, "Look, you can't be home all the time."
"How come we always gotta be so secretive?" demanded Andi. "We haven't been able to go outside and play without you standing there with us, and you're always looking over your shoulder or jumping around corners 'cause you 'think you heard something.' And you won't even let us explore our own home!"
"I'll explain everything soon, but for now, you need to go to school."
"You put the wrong grade in for me." Sam was waving her paper around with a frown on her face. "I'm in 5th grade too."
"What?" Snake opened the folder he had Otacon assemble, which contained all the girls' info. He pulled out Samantha's papers and skimmed over them. She was right. "Why? Did you fail a grade or something? Are you stupid?"
"No!" They were still becoming accustomed to their father's candid way of speaking, and Sam pulled back hurt. "You know those tests they do to see if you're ready for school? I was too shy to do anything they told me to do so they stuck me in DK. I've just had an extra year of school is all..."
"Oh." Snake snatched the paper back with a mild look that suggested he might be glad he didn't have an idiot daughter. The three sort of pouted and pulled up chairs to sit at the table as well.
"What kind of name is Plisken?"
"Have you ever seen Escape from New York?" He took the blank expressions as a definite 'no'. "To the TV. Now."
"Are we gonna watch a movie?!" Andi exclaimed excitedly, "I'll get the popcorn!" She raced for the kitchen and the sound of the microwave turning on reached their ears. Sam and Laura quickly made their way to the living room, and Snake set up the movie. Andi came in with the popcorn soon after. The opening scene came on and the four were quickly sucked in to the crappy movie.
The movie was just at its climax when the doorbell rang. Snake growled out a few obscenities and paused the movie, much to the girls' dismay. He got up and made his way to the front door, yanking it open to find Otacon standing with a frown on his face.
"What?" Snake folded his arms over his chest, looking quite perturbed.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Otacon asked angrily. Snake thought back to the last conversation they had. Nope, he couldn't remember a thing. It obviously could not be more important than educating his new children on the importance of Escape to New York. "The conference with the school's principal was scheduled to begin forty-five minutes ago! What the heck have you been doing Snake?" Snake opened and closed his mouth, finding nothing to say. Now that he mentioned it, he did remember Otacon maybe mentioning something about meeting with the school. That was why he had finally started filling out those forms in the first place.
"Oh yeah. Well, we can't go now. We're in the middle of something."
"What are you doing that can't wait?"
"Escape to New York." Snake felt that needed no further explanation. Otacon stared at him, almost not believing what he had just heard.
"You can't be serious." He leaned to see past Snake and called out to the girls, "Hey, do you guys wanna go for ice cream?" The girls were up and into the car faster than Snake had ever seen children move. He sighed at how easily swayed they were from watching what must've been one of the greatest films of all time, so easily that they would get into a car with a man who not two days ago was standing naked in their kitchen. Giving up rather quickly, he locked the front door behind him and made his way to the hummer.
He strolled over to where Laura was trying to fasten her seatbelt. "Hey now, you girls need to get dressed first."
"Oh yeah!" They were out the car just as fast as they had entered. Five minutes later, they sprinted back into the car, dressed and ready to go. The drive seemed much longer than it actually was thanks to the girls singing the campfire song song at an extremely high volume, and that Snake dropped Otacon off back at his house rather forcefully. When Snake finally pulled into the school parking lot, he picked a spot near the front doors (okay, more like three spots since the hummer's so freaking huge). When they slid out and saw where they were, they again crowded around their father yelling about how he lied to them and they didn't want to go to school. It took all of Snake's will power not to slap them all across the face, and instead he led them inside.
The school was very large, with three stories and who knew how far back it stretched. The outside walls were a light tan while the roof was a darker green. The inside consisted of warmer colors, soft brown wood, and the walls a red. The lights were dimmer than in most buildings, giving the foyer a cozy feel. Snake could feel the money in his wallet burning away as he led the now murmuring girls into the main office. They entered, where a small triangle-shaped woman met them with a broad smile. "Hi! Welcome to Patriots' Private School! How can I help you?"
"Yeah, my friend set me up an appointment with the principal here."
"Who was the friend?"
"Hmm, I don't see him..."
The triangle lady tapped a few things on the keyboard, and then flashed Snake another smile. "Fill out these forms please. Alright, you can have a seat. The principal will see you in a moment."
Snake led his herd to the maroon waiting chairs, where he gladly sat down. Sam took the chair to his immediate left, then Laura, then Andi. Soon Sam and Andi were yelling at each other over Laura, who was glancing between the two uncertainly. She knew they weren't mad at each other (their volume just steadily grew) but she never understood why they wouldn't just sit by one another. Snake took a survey of the room; triangle lady had begun reading some chick magazine and there was a creepy looking cat clock ticking away on the wall. Two men and a woman were sitting in waiting chairs near them: the woman had on a casual yellow summer dress and had light brown hair; one man was wearing an orange jacket and a stupid happy expression on his face, and the second with black hair in a t-shirt and jeans. His attention was brought back to the girls when he heard some smacking sounds; Sam and Andi had gotten into one of those slap fights. Laura was sinking down farther in her chair to not get hit. Snake sighed internally.
"What are you fighting about?"
"We're not fighting!" they answered together. "We're debating!"
"Ohhh my god." Snake grabbed his eldest daughter by her waist and easily picked up the now flailing girl and placed her in front of him. "Please, a moment of peace." He took out his wallet and handed her three dollars. "You three go find a vending machine or something. And please be quiet."
"YAAAAAY!" All three of them skipped out the room cheering, letting him relax a little.
"Kids, huh?" The normal looking guy had moved into the chair on Snake's right. He chuckled "We had to send our boys out for making a racket too. Now that I think about it, they've been gone for a while..."
"GET ME A GIANT KIT-KAT!"
"I WANT SOME PEANUT M&M'S!"
"Okay, okay!" At some point Sam had transferred the money over to Laura, because she was the only one who could really reach all the buttons, and now the other two were crowded around her pushing each other to try and get their candy first.
Once they all got their choice candies, they started back towards the main office. "Why don't we look around?" Andi jumped in front the other two so they wouldn't go in the door. "Didn't you see how big this place is? If Dad's making us come here, might as well know where everything is."
"You are so right." They giggled and snuck by the door. Luckily their dad was distracted by the other men and they went undetected, giving them free reign of the school.
"-and with my husband having been a defense attorney, Miles has learned so much more than his peers. He needed to be moved to a school more fitting to his level," said the sole woman, who had introduced herself as Madison Edgeworth, with a note of pride. "He wants to join the law career, you know."
"I'm bringing Larry here to see if he might actually learn something," said the man in the orange jacket, a Gary Butz. "Or that's what his mother says. I think he was doing just fine myself." Snake grumbled something. If Larry was anything like his dad, he didn't hold much hope for the kid. He looked to the last guy, who had said his name was Nicholas Wright. "So what's your story?"
"Oh, nothing fancy. Just wanted to give Phoenix a better education." He shrugged like it was no big deal. Snake got the impression he was a very laid back father. They all turned to him, waiting for his reasons. Fortunately, the principal walked out her office just then. She was a tall, younger woman with long, blonde hair tied into a ponytail that fell to her lower back. She wore an average dark blue woman's suit, with a skirt that stopped at her knees and a long sleeve shirt and matching heels. She looked over the papers on her clipboard and said in a business-y tone, "Mr. Plisken?" Snake was up before she had even finished his name and was eagerly following her into the office. He hadn't counted on the principal being so, well... hot. And considering the women who lived around this area (Anti-Second Amendment Lady, Triangle Lady, Old-Lady-Hit-With-Soap Lady) he wasn't about to let this one go. Besides, his three growing girls needed a womanly influence, right? Otacon just wasn't going to quite cut it.
He sat in the chair that the principal gestured to as she sat in her own on the other side of the desk. She raised her eyebrow a bit at him until Snake asked, "What?"
"What was all that clinking?"
"Oh. Those were just my guns."
Now both her eyebrows shot up. "Mr. Plisken, you do understand this is a school, right?"
She sighed when he didn't give any further explanation, but didn't seem too bothered about it. That surprised him. "Anyway... I'm Samus Aran, principal of Patriots' Private School. I went over your girls' files and backgrounds, and while I think they're fine kids, I don't think they're Patriot material."
"What? Why not?"
"Well, their grades are ok, but I think their personalities might cause a distraction to the other students. And I don't think you've been giving them a great influence if you're carrying guns around--"
"You got a nice butt."
There was a moment of silence, where Samus's face turned to one of confusion and shock while Snake just stared at her with the same expression he always had. "Oh, my. Well, maybe we can work something out."
"This place is sooo big!" The three girls had finished their candy and were wandering the halls, peeking into classrooms and looking out windows. They had seen some smaller sports equipment set up along the sides of the school, like playgrounds for the younger kids, and volleyball poles and ultimate Frisbee goals out in the fields. They could only imagine what was behind the school. They chatted about their new life, and how much they hated school, and how strange Dad and his friends were.
"Guys, I don't think this is a good idea." The three stopped as a young boy's voice drifted toward them. "We must be breaking a million rules right now. And unlike you, I would rather not be kicked out of school!" Therein followed some muffled responses the girls couldn't quite catch. Andi spun around and said, "Hey, let's go see what they're doing!" Instantly Laura hid behind Sam, and Sam's face turned into a stony death glare. Neither one of them were good at meeting new people. They just showed it in different ways. Andi rolled her eyes and dragged them along down the hall and around the corner.
Standing in front of the boy's bathroom was a young boy, like they had thought. He had short grey/silver hair that stood up funny in the front. He wore a child's suit with a little bow tie, which made the girls giggle. He looked kinda stupid. He had his arms crossed and was glaring at the door impatiently, occasionally tapping his foot.
"Hey, if you gotta pee just walk in!" The boy jumped and turned around looking appalled at Andi's blunt statement.
"I-I don't have to use the bathroom!"
"Then why are you standing outside of the door?"
"Two idiots are in there right now trying to be expelled. Who are you?"
"Oh, I'm Andi and this is Sam and Laura," she said pointing to the other girls respectively. She glanced back to see Sam glaring determinedly at the boy's face with a light blush staining her cheeks. "What's your name?"
"Okay, well let's go." Andi made to move past him into the bathroom.
"W-Wait, you can't go into the boy's bathroom!"
"Yes I can. Watch me!" She walked in and motioned for them to follow. Laura looked apprehensively up at the 'BOYS' sign on the wall and Sam dragged her along. They walked in to find two boys crowded together into a stall laughing gleefully as they watched the toilet paper spin off of the roll and disappear down the toilet. "Hey!"
They yelped in surprise and quickly slammed the stall door, turning to face the three girls. "Hey hey hey, you can't be in here!" said the boy with spiky black hair. "This is the boy's room. No. Girls. Allowed!" Next to him was the other kid, who had blonde-ish hair and wore a dirty wife beater and shorts. He was nodding in agreement. "You'll get your cooties everywhere!"
"Seriously? How old are you?" asked Andi in retort, placing her hands on her hips. The black haired kid shuffled around a bit, unsure what to say. "What are you guys doing anyway?"
"Nothing any girls need to know about." The two boys high-fived and snickered. Andi frowned and pulled Sam forward, who unleashed her glare upon her unsuspecting victims. They whimpered and clutched each other in fright.
"You better tell us what you're doing or-- ew, what's all over the floor?" The five of them looked down to see water pooling from the stalls the boys had hit. Andi instantly screamed and fled from the room, past a confused looking Miles and down the hallway back towards the office, yelling, "Oh God help me! I can't swim! Oh God it's going to kill me!" Before he could look to see what was going on, Sam and Laura came running out too.
"It's just a puddle!" Completely confused, Miles once more turned to investigate only to be knocked out of the way by his friends as they chased after the girls yelling that it wasn't their fault.
Snake flashed his smirk that said "Yes I am the sexiest thing you have ever seen" as Samus handed him the rather thick rule book as well as various forms he would have to sign. He reached into his pocket to pull out his pen. "I hope you aren't drawing one of your guns," said Samus.
"Don't worry. Unless you want to see my guns..."
"Maybe I do." At that moment 5 different voices screamed 'DAD!' and Snake felt a vein burst in his head. Andi flew into the room and somehow managed to teleport (she must have because he had no idea how she got there) onto Snake's lap, where she buried her face in his shirt and continued to scream about how she was going to drown. As his other two daughters ran in, Snake could only think about how the mood had been sucked out the room. Damn kids.
"What could possibly be the problem now?" he asked, prying Andi's face out his now soaked shirt. He made it a point to turn in just a way that he could face his children and show Samus his muscles. They all began speaking at once, and soon the other parents and their kids were in the office as well trying to talk over everyone.
Snake could feel another vein getting ready to burst when Samus stood abruptly and yelled for everyone to shut up. They did. She gave a stern look to everyone then turned to Andi. "Now, please explain what happened."
Andi sniffled and looked at Samus timidly. "Well, we were looking around, and we saw that kid standing in front of the boy's room," she began, pointing at Miles. His eyes grew huge and he said defensively, "I wasn't doing anything-!" but Samus gave him a look that made him shut his mouth.
"And we went in to see what was going on, and those two were flushing toilet paper down the toilet!" She now pointed to the other two boys who shuffled around again. "And then they flooded the bathroom and tried to drown meeee!" She began sobbing into her father's shirt again as Samus turned her attention to the boys.
"I tried to stop them!" Miles wasn't going to be made a fool. The truth had to be revealed, after all. "I told them they were breaking the rules, and it was childish, and they would certainly be expelled for doing such crimes!"
"Miles, you're like, the worst friend ever!" accused the blonde haired boy.
"Now now Larry, that's not nice." Gary patted his son's head and said to Samus, "Don't worry ma'am, we'll pay for the damages."
Samus ran her fingers through her bangs and blew out some air to try and focus again. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. If you would all please go wait in the lobby..." The other three parents ushered their kids out, scolding quietly to each. "Mr. Plisken, I'll have to ask you to look those over and fill them out at home, and then you can fax them in or drop them off when you have the chance. I need to survey the damage and finish up before the day is over. Try to get them in before school starts."
"Yeah yeah." He stood up and hiked Andi up so she could sit on his shoulder. The other two grumbled about how they didn't get a special ride and filed out the room.
"Oh, and Mr. Plisken. If you have any... questions, feel free to call me." Samus scribbled on one of the forms and handed it to Snake before he left. The soldier did a silent victory fist-pump in his mind. Oh, he was so getting laid at some point. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty after the thought though. He was feeling some weird emotion he had never really felt before. Oh well, he'd ask Otacon about it later.
"Sure thing, Ms. Aran," he said with a sly wink that again said he was the sexiest thing on the planet. He once more led everyone through the lobby and foyer to the parking lot, and then into that giant ass Hummer. Once everyone was buckled up, Snake looked at the kids through the rear-view mirror. "Alright you three, that was the last straw. You start training tomorrow."
"Training?" they asked, puzzled.
Snake backed out the school parking lot and began driving home. "Yes, training. No kids of mine are going to not be battle ready." He looked up to see them staring with panicky expressions. "Hey, I said I'd explain things, but you've brought it on yourselves. I was going to let you have a few more days to get used to things, but you can forget that." They all glanced at one another. He must be crazy. "Tomorrow. Five AM. I'll explain why when we get home."
He pulled out a cigarette and happily began puffing away on it. God knows he needed one after the day's events. Serves those kids right for ruining his chances on doing it with the principal right in her office.